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In many parents' effort to pamper their children, they often forget that their primary role is to prepare them for the real world outside of the family environment, keeping them safe and sound, and ensuring that they acquire the appropriate social behaviors to foster their autonomy as they are approaching adulthood.
If these pampering to children are given in an exaggerated and constant way, we will turn our children into what is known as spoiled children and they will end up being child tyrants. They are those children who think they are the center of the world, who demand a lot of parental attention, or who don't care how their actions affect others.
It is clear that spoiled children are made and are not born. Parents and caregivers are responsible for the child's showing a spoiled behavior. But this attitude can be redirected.
- They are very self-centered and believe they are the center of the world.
- They demand a lot of attention, not only from their parents, but from everyone. And the more they are given, the more they demand.
- They cannot, or do not want, to see how their behaviors affect others.
- They have a low tolerance for discomfort, especially that caused by frustration, disappointment, boredom, delay or denial of what they have asked for; they usually express it with tantrums, fits of anger, insults and / or violence.
- They develop scarce resources (if they develop any) to solve problems or face negative experiences.
- They blame others for what they do, while waiting for others to solve the problem.
- Sometimes it is difficult for them to feel guilt or remorse for their actions.
- It is difficult for them to adapt to environments outside the family, especially school, because they do not respond well to established social structures or authority figures.
- They feel permanently sad, angry, anxious and / or emotionally fragile and often have low self-esteem.
It is clear that if we want to break the cycle of pampering, it must be the parents who initiate the process. There are few, if any, children who voluntarily give up the easy life, who spontaneously decide to push themselves or get into a comfortable position.
It is convenient to go to a psychology center to be able to make a fundamental change in the way in which the family hierarchy is structured and thus the child returns to assume their own development tasks.
In any case, some important guidelines to follow:
- With the education of children you have to be tolerant, but you have to set limits to their attitudes and behaviors when they are inappropriate
- Babies and children must receive affection and pampering, however, an excess of pampering is as harmful as an excess of authority with the child.
- Avoid overprotection of children, the little ones must be able to evolve and experiment and not create a bubble around them.
- The command in the family must be carried by the parents, not the child. The structure in the family is hierarchical.
Alicia López de Fez
Founder and Director of the López de Fez Psychology Center, in Valencia.
Center website: http://www.centropsicologiainfantil.es
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