Dialogue and communication

The trick question you should never ask a child

The trick question you should never ask a child

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Today I write a little from surprise and anger. Perhaps it has been because in recent weeks I have heard several adults formulate that trick question you should never ask a child: "And you, who do you love more, mom or dad?" The consequences that this question can have within the family sphere, both for the child and for the parents and globally, are very harmful for everyone, and I want to talk to you about all this today.

Imagine the shock I felt when listening "Who do you love more, mom or dad?". In my ignorance, I believed that it was a question that we parents today have banished from our communication and from the education of our children, but I was wrong!

It is a question that, in general, comes from older generations (grandparents or great-grandparents), but which, unfortunately, I have been able to observe how it is still used today. Is a cheat question for children, which we educators urge parents to never do.

- In the first place, because the child has never raised such a question, and we put him / her in an existential doubt, in an anguish of having to choose between the two people he loves most in the world. PIt can cause significant emotional damage to your self-esteem. It is not smart to ask this question and put the child before such a decision, when even as adults we would not know how to answer it.

- On the other hand, from an emotional point of view, children's response should and usually is always the same. They, unconditionally, they will love both mom and dad alike, Although, it is true that, at certain moments in life, due to special and very specific circumstances or situations, children will need the love or affection more from Dad or the love more from Mom.

Whatever the answer (I can almost say for sure), that is not going to mean that our children love one more than the other. As parents, we cannot and must not never start a competition so that the child loves us more than our partner.

Therefore, I would like to emphasize and insist that parents have an educational responsibility for their children and that education can never be a fight or war between parents, uncles, grandparents for the love of the little ones, but it is a responsibility or rather a co-responsibility of parents, and other family members, with the boy.

Our duty, as adults, is that children grow up in emotional stability and in a loving and caring environment, that is, feeling loved. What can we do to be informed and improve this aspect? As almost always, the best option we have is the question. Find a time throughout the day to sit with them to chat quietly, to communicate, to connect with each other.

Next, I suggest that you look for that moment of the week so that, together, you can ask your child the following questions (these are not cheating!)

- What makes you feel good about mom? And from dad?

- What makes you feel bad about mom or dad?

- What would you change so that you feel better and we all feel better?

I encourage you to carry out this dynamic and put its results into practice. It will give you a clear idea (here there will be no doubt) that your child loves you, what he likes the most about you and your partner, and, also, about what things should be changed so that all of you are better.

You will see how after this exercise, you will never want to resort to the fearful question again and, it will happen to you like me the next time you hear it in the park or walking down the street, you will get angry.

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  1. Dikora

    I think you are not right. I'm sure. Write in PM, we will communicate.

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