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Having my first daughter was a dream come true, it was something I wanted so badly! The only thing that, after I turned my life upside down, considering bringing a new being into this world was not so easy since I never felt strong enough to take that step. If it also happens to you and you are going through this moment of 'crisis', here they go the 8 questions you should ask yourself before having a second child.
How exactly do I know when the family is ready to grow? Are there things to consider before launching that you don't take into account with the first child? The answers, as also happens in other aspects of life, will vary greatly depending on the person, their health, their work and family situation, although there are some factors that are universally valid for everyone.
1. Is this what I really want?
The first thing you should do is think about why you want to have another baby. It sounds simple and consistent enough, but before you start diving into all the other details, you really have to be honest with yourself and your partner as well.
I met a mother who was experiencing postpartum depression with her second child and I still remember her words when I asked her why she had decided to be a second mother: 'I wanted to give my eldest son a brother, but I have realized that You have to do things because you want to and not to please others. ' It can also happen that you start to feel social pressure when they say that 'when are you going to have another?'. Think about it!
2. Is my body ready?
The body of the woman after a pregnancy does not recover after quarantine (hopefully!), It takes at least a year, although personally I will say that I did not feel really well until two years had passed. It is clear that everyone's body is different, so if you are thinking of repeating the experience, my advice is to listen to your body.
On the other hand, it is worth taking a trip back in time to remember how your pregnancy was. Did it cost you a lot to get pregnant? Were there previous losses? Did you have a lot of discomfort, like vomiting and / or nausea? Perhaps it would not be bad for you to visit your midwife or your gynecologist for a check-up and they will examine you inside.
3. How is my relationship with my partner?
There is a very widespread saying that 'a child does not unite, a child dissociates' and this you understand when you become a mother / father. When there is a new member in the family, you have to reposition yourself to occupy the new position that has been assigned to you and, sometimes, that does not like (many men feel jealous of their children).
At the same time, new rules of coexistence must be established and at this point is where many couples seem doomed to not understand each other. And it is that many times raising children tests the patience and love of couples.
4. Will my older son get jealous? How will I handle it?
Something that worries parents very much is how this decision to have a second child will affect the firstborn. Will it have a bad time? Will you be very envious of the little one? To avoid this, there is nothing better than planning a special time with the eldest so that that connection that you surely have is maintained when the new member arrives home; and, also, make him see that this new being is also a joy for him. You can play with it, share unique moments, learn to resolve conflicts ...
5. Do I need or have help?
Outside of the more physical or psychological reasons, we also have to anticipate what our current logistics is like and what it will be like with a new child. Will we need to move? Looking for a babysitter? Ask for a reduction in working hours? Do I have the same people who were by my side with my first baby? Will I take the little one to nursery school from the first moment?
On the other hand, considering that there are things that can go wrong with a pregnancy and during the postpartum period (from whatever needs the baby has to the physical and mental health of the mother), it is especially important to make sure that the couple also has the ability to assume the responsibilities of the children and the house, or at least, that the woman can delegate them.
6. What is my financial situation?
Although there will be things that you can reuse from your first child (crib, clothes, stroller), never forget that children grow up, eat and want to go out ... It is true that your rhythm of life is different, perhaps more homemade, but a new person It is directly proportional to an increase in expenses, not to mention whether you need to make a larger investment (change of car or house ...). Hence my advice is to see if you can financially cope with a new child.
7. Who do I want to carry my pregnancy and assist me in the delivery?
Facing such a special period in the life of a woman such as pregnancy, it is time to surround yourself with trustworthy people who guarantee that both the mother and the baby will be cared for during these nine months and will receive the best assistance in childbirth. If you have a trusted gynecologist and you feel comfortable with him / her, why change! On the other hand, if you had a traumatic delivery or felt like a victim in any way, tell your doctor or change directly.
I personally remember that during my first delivery, when everything was going great, a woman stood on top of me to 'help expel' the child (known as the Hamilton maneuver). Neither my husband nor I thought it was a good practice, but since we did not understand, at the time we did not say anything. In one of the first visits to my gynecologist with the pregnancy of the second, I asked him if what happened in the previous delivery (he did not attend him), it was normal and he said no, so if in the second it was repeated, I would already say NO (luckily it was not like that).
8. Am I psychologically prepared?
We are talking about the physical part, but what about the mind? The mental health of parents is of the utmost importance, not only for them but also for their children, that is why it does not hurt that mothers consider whether we are ready to make a tetris of our lives that allows us to square the needs of two of our children plus what life brings us (partner, family, work). All of this will cause physical, but also mental exhaustion that can lead to postpartum depression. It does not have to be your case, but it does not hurt that you know that this can happen.
In the end, having another child is an extremely personal decision, So it is best to take your time and not rush. While there is never a perfect time to increase the family, only you will know what 'that great time' is to move forward and not look back.
You can read more articles similar to 8 questions to ask yourself before having a second child, in the category of Getting pregnant on site.